It's been a while, and I hate that bitch.

Ugh, Hey guys! well it's been a while since I've posted. So I guess I'll give ya an update. First things first Nikson's 11 days shy of being 7 months old. He's got two teeth, talks and makes all sorts of noises, He's working on crawling, also working on standing. He's the funnest little guy, he keeps me on my toes. I started dating a guy who I really feel like was made for me. Sad part is, I don't think he feels I was made for him. He's got two boys, the youngest ones mother used to be friends with me, see we all went to high school together. Things with me and him were really good for about a month and a half till she got involved, she's a pain in my butt. Needless to say, she and I aren't friends anymore. I think that our biggest problem is he feels she was made for him, and she doesn't feel he was made for her. This seems to be a common occurrence in my life recently. When he and I started talking I told him I didn't want to get involved with him if he was still in love with her; He promised they were over and he hated her. I believed him. I am not really sure I do anymore; I so badly want to. They say you know when you're in love... and it wasn't right off the bat, but I knew pretty fast I was going to love him. I even remember telling him "I know you're the one who's going to break my heart." He thought I was nuts. Which I think makes me nuts!! Who would realize someone was going to hurt them like that, and then stay around and wait for him to do it. Yeah, that'd be me. see he makes me want to be the best I can, I work on keeping my house clean, getting up and ready, keeping Nikson happier, being more open to things of the bedroom sorts. I find myself doing things that I've never cared to do in other relationships. I want to please this man so bad... I really love him. I mean I am so desperate for him, I make myself super clingy and whiny. I get emotional to fast, I get agitated when I haven't been around him for a while. I mean I'm nuts right? I have never acted like this before. When I say things went good for like a month and a half, I mean that's when she screwed with his head. Seriously. She only wants this man of mine, when she is in between relationships and needs a pick me up for her confidence. Sad thing is, she uses their son to get him back into a relationship with her. I mean I'm over here, like "Hello, I'd break myself in half for you. I'd give you anything I could. I will love you honestly and truly for the rest of my life, unconditionally." Where she's like, "I only want to hurt you.. I want to use you when I have no one else... I will make you feel worse and worse about yourself, so I can feel better." Then I'm like well, how does any of this make sense I mean really... I am not perfect but I'm not going to hurt you... and that's all she's going to do, and still its a hard decision between me and her? Ugh, I guess we don't get to choose who the heart desires? I hate it. She gets to him so fast!!! I hate it. She gets in his head and ruins him for days, I sit by and I watch like an innocent bystander who shouldn't have an opinion. I can't change one single part of it. So, what do I do? Do I walk away from this perfect, loving, understanding, intellegent, wonderful, motivated, challenging, sweet man; who owns my heart, in order to save it? Or do I stay and muddle through and hope we come out on top; risking my every being? Well we barley seem to make it through some things... The last week he's been in more contact with this girl then I'd like to admit and our relationship has suffered for it. We haven't been the same, and I'm not sure how much longer I can take it. They say when you marry a man you marry his family as well, which I can handle. However, I don't consider her part of his family; she's his past... Can't she stay in the past? I would never expect their son to stay in the past with his mother, hell I would love the kid like he was my own... I just want her to fall off the face of the planet and leave the baby with us. I just can't get over the feeling that I will never be enough for him. Because, I'm not her. I hate her. So, that's my story... I am lost and confused... and I wouldn't mind a little revenge. If anyone has any ideas, I'd be open to them.